Oh F*ck, It’s Mother’s Day

OP: 2016

I’m sure a lot of you are saying this right now, perhaps because you didn’t buy a card or you forgot to book brunch, so you’re taking Mom to an afternoon tea at an obscure German restaurant because all of the popular places are full.

This post is not for you.

If you’re taking your mother or children to get a pedicure or wreak havoc in a family photo, go and get on with your life. You’re wasting daylight by reading.

If instead, you woke up in shackles, compelled to drink not because of family drama…